Consent to Having Stories Told

I haven’t been at daycare all that much this semester, because its just been a super busy semester. Since, I haven’t written in a while, here’s a little thing I’ve been thinking about.

One thing Bethany does pretty consistently is this: if there’s some story about a child that Bethany wants to tell me (or a parent). She asks the child first, “is it ok I tell Brian what happened earlier today…?” She may also give the child an opportunity to tell the story instead.

At first, I would notice this and not think much of it, but now I see it more for what it is. It touches on a couple things, including consent and privacy. The children have a (some) rights to privacy about the details of everything that goes on in their life. Asking their consent first to tell a story in which they are the main character makes a lot of sense. Stories are also powerful because they portray us in certain lights, and so its acknowledging the power that stories have. It makes me think broadly about the nefarious power of stories such as gossip. 

And, of course, she doesn’t always ask for consent for every story. That’s just not tenable or needed. But Bethany is also very aware of the children’s response to her telling a story. Even before the children could talk, if she noticed that telling a story had embarrassed the child, she would apologize and say, “I’m sorry. I embarrassed you by telling that story.” She didn’t shrug off their emotional response to the story telling, nor try to dismiss or minimize it.